M Y

As I lay here
Propped up on my
Right elbow, right hand
Scribbling away,

I pet, apologetically,
The cat I disturbed
When I stopped staring at the empty

White wall and picked up
This empty white pad.
And I wonder if she
Notices or cares

That you are not here,
As she walks on
The words I have just written,
Refusing to be somber,

Or melancholy, refusing
To reflect endlessly with me on all
The moments that led to this one,
Refusing to let me ignore her,

So that I can resume my
Pointless study of the
Symmetry of the shadows
Of the bed post with the lines

Of the walls and ceiling and
Window casings. All white.
All empty. All silent.
All not her and her simple need

For me to pet her small, furry,
Orange head, green eyes
Blinking at me…
Then she swats at me

And leaves. Just like that.
And I am back to thinking
How implausible this universe
Seems, where there is only

My inhaling and exhaling,
And no you. No soft breath,
No soft stirring next to me
As I reach for my notebook.

How unlikely it seems
That such a reality should
Be that you are in Idaho,
An absurd universe away,

Staring at another ceiling,
Another wall, another bedpost
Shadow. That you should feel like
A shadow of a memory, a wisp of smoke,

Instead of the solid presence,
The fire, the solid real you
I long for and miss. And I wonder –
For what feels like the

First time, or maybe the final
Time – but I know is neither –
When you will return to me.
When you will have enough of

The long, empty, fictional space
You occupy where there is no me…
And I imagine, for what seems
The thousandth time

You knocking on my door,
Disturbing the cat, who bolts up,
Beating me to her feet,
As I leap up to welcome you…and again,

Once yet again, I know.
This totally unlikely universe
We occupy separately is infinitely
More likely than that impossible,

Exotic dream. As if a simple,
Everyday act like a woman
Knocking on a door may
As well be a zebra writing an opera.

And I resume my staring,
My solitary breaths in and out
Competing with the sound of
The black and white cat bathing.

0220 Hours
Wednesday 02/24/2010
Missing W

Altar of Love

I kneel down at
The altar of love
And I am humbled
As I look upon the face of God.

Gazing into the infinite,
I am one with the blue depths
Of the sky, the sea.
And I stand at the precipice.

My toes on the very edge
Of the cliff over the cove,
I breathe in all that is,
The sea, the sky, the infinite blue…

And I step off the cliff!
With the faith of a child,
I jump with both feet –
And I find I can fly!

Reach out your hand, my love.
Stretch with your mind, your soul,
With all that you are…
Have faith! Jump!

01/10/2010
For W